Last night I had a dream.

It was strange, yet erotic.

My spouse had turned into a large looming man with long blond hair. It was rumpled, yet stylish in an unkept sort of way.

He was strong, male, powerful, and intimidating priest or shaman of something. The only clear part of the dream is where he leans forward, looming over me, places both of his hands on wall behind me to hem me in and say forcefully:

I am you husband and you WILL pleasure me again.
You can enjoy it or not.
Decide soon.

Then he swept off to handle something, leaving me breathless and torn.....I knew that I loved him and wanted to pleasure him again, but I also felt compelled to resist being ordered on anything.

I suppose this is much the result of the fantasy novels I've been reading with their wars, priests, fairy fold etc. But who knows. I tell you, just writing about it makes me breathless, though. It calls me wonder if I 'secretly' feel that forcefulness is lacking in my own relationship. Is that where the wolf theme comes in? Is that why I seem loath to push it away? Is it that I truly relish the fear it spawns at a deeper, more primeval level? Perhaps if I just share with my spouse my masochistic tendencies it will vanish? (personally I tend to think there is a little more to it than that...) but maybe I'm just making it more complicated to avoid sharing that side of myself....?

Maybe these strong dreams, the ones that reveal the truth of me are what I should create stories around. Maybe that is what so many of the silly fiction writers mean when they say "I don't know where this character is taking me."

Even though these characters are new to me though, I still know them intimately. I can't imagine that I wouldn't know where they are going per se, since I know their every thought, idea, tendency. It is as if I have a special secret telepathic line into their being so how could I now KNOW them?

You know, I wanted to begin from the beginning.
Then I asked myself, the beginning of what?
The beginning of the night, I answered.

So, I stared thinking about it. I figured that the beginning began around 1992. But, when I looked a little closer, it appeared to begin in 1989. After examining the evidence a little more I estimated I was wrong with 1989, and the correct time would be about 1980 or so. Oh, looking closer, I realized, heck that couldn't be right, the beginning seems to have started round about 1974, of all time! That's got to be the final date, I was BORN the for goodness sake.....but then again who knows....

So, I dropped that idea pretty quickly. Hell if I can remember back quite that far with any degree of accuracy. And besides it would take me another 28 years to catch up to today's events. I'd end up being just as behind then as I am now. I evenatually settled on just jumping right in with both feet. Let me regale you with my tales of my current exploits and jaunts, and the past will emerge as it will. Let it bubble to the surface as it needs too, no need to systematically rehash my life. Believe me, life and experience is interconnected in ways that astound the mortal man!

Join me here for the latest on my thoughts, actions, ideas, and stories. Rarely a dull moment, or at least that's how my life's progressed so far. There's been so much I don't even know where to start. I'll pop back by in a while for an update.